I am back and feeling better. Thank you for your patience!
The transition from the anger stage to the bargaining stage did not seem to act different. Instead of having all this anger toward God I would bargain with him a whole lot. For example, I would promise to go to church every Sunday if he would not let my disability progress any further. Or I would promise to read my Bible and pray every day.
Let me back up to fill you in on my Christian background. My parent's both went to church when they were younger, but did not continue as they got older. My dad’s Mom went to church every Sunday and Wednesday. It was very important to her to share the love that God gave to all of us, so she would take my brother and I to church with her on Sunday mornings. We tried several different Assemblies of God churches. I was about eight whenever we found a good one. It had lot of activities for children. My Grandma wanted us to go somewhere where we could be involved. Not too long after we started going there I gave my heart to Jesus in children’s church. I did so many things while I was there. When my brother and I were teenagers we were given the option of wether we wanted to keep going to church or not. My brother unfortunately did not stay, but I saw something there to stay for. I felt so comfortable being there, and so unjudged. I enjoyed it so much I would sacrifice being even more awkward by wearing dresses, and walking in dress shoes! That was the biggest bargain. That even makes me go hmmm!! It was a big church, there were five or six people who I went to middle school with. Although, since I was not the kid to associate with I was often passed by at school by those people. I do have an exception, there was a girl who I also went to elementary school with that was also at middle school. She never wavered from being my friend, and would often be the girl I would set with at lunch or hang around. Her name was Tonya. We are still really good friends. Her family is awesome too!
Back to discussing the bargaining stage: I would often wonder if I had the name brand clothes if that would make me have more friends or have more confidence about being different. I would try to bargain with my mom by doing extra chores or something but she refused to give in to the expense for clothes. She felt like Wal-Mart or K-Mart clothes were as good as any other. So not only was I known as "the drunk", but I also was stylin' with the blue light special! She did not grow up with a bunch of money, and learned to be satisfied with what she had and felt we should do the same.
Thanks for taking the time to read, Miss S
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