Wednesday, November 29, 2006

THE DEPRESSION STAGE (I don't care anymore)

I can kind of refer to this stage also as the rebellion stage. I didn't care what anybody thought any more. When I was made fun of I grew numb to hide my feelings. In addition I also became more reclusive. Spanky was no longer with us and had went to doggy heaven. My grandfather (Moms Dad, and I was close with him) also passed away, so I was dealing with these 2 losses as well. This was around 7th Grade.

My parents never made a big deal out of those things such as smoking, drinking, or fighting with me. We all had more important things to be concerned with. My best girlfriend from elementary school and I hung out every once in a while still around this time. Especially when it came to trying the forbidden no-no’s. One day she came over to my house. My parents were both smoking at that time, and I knew where they kept their stash. They were of course not home so we decided it would be fun to try it out. We each took a pack, and proceeded to smoke 5 or 6 cigarettes one after the other. I got lightheaded from doing this, but most vividly I remember that I smelled so bad. The stinch that came from my hand alone was enough to choke me up. Yes, I admit unlike former President Clinton that I did inhale, although it was weird so I mostly just puffed! At that time neither one of us cared for we thought we were cool. Just like the other smokers that we would see next to this old church across the street from the middle school. Now I may have thought I was cool, but there was nothing graceful about me trying to even hold a cigarette let alone light it! That did not stop me, although my habit did not last long as I tried to finish off my pack in my bedroom by myself, and with the door shut. I ended up burning a hole in my carpet! So I may have been depressed, but I was not dumb enough to continue. I never got caught though!!! LOL It was her turn this time, and a little alcohol consumption was the plan! So we went to her house and shared a can of beer. It made her sick, and me walk straighter! HEHE From that point on our friendship became a mere acquaintance as she became really good friends with the bully down the street. As I have said before, everything happens for a reason. A year or so later my friend ended up pregnant (woops). On to this bully, I am not sure how long she lived down the street from me. I do remember her being in fifth grade with me in elementary school. She is the only person I would ever call a bully to me. Nobody else ever touched me they would just make me feel horrible. She chased my wobbly running self down the street so she could smash whip creme in my face. Although, it tasted good it did not make me feel very good. I was scared of her. I tried to stay out of her way. Now that I look back on it she was probably the one who needed help. She would treat her younger brother terrible. It seemed that she only felt empowered when she could take advantage of someone else. One day in middle school we just happened to have the same wood shop class. For some reason unbeknownst to me she took my purse and dumped the contents out on to the floor. This was very embarrassing for me, and thank God I did not have Feminine Hygiene products in there at that time! I did not want her to know how I felt so I just picked up my stuff and went right over to her. I told her that was uncalled for and that she better not do anything like that again. She asked, "What are you going to do about it hit me or something?" So I just whaled back and hit her on the upper arm. Now I can't hit the broad side of a barn, and so I have no idea what I was thinking besides the fact that I did not want her to see me sweat! I think it hurt me more than it did her. She just hit me right back on the upper arm. Yes, it hurt like a Mo Fo, but never let my facial expressions change! She egged me on to continue so I did. I think the fist fight only lasted a few more punches because the teacher saw us and broke it up (Thank God). We were sent to the counselor's office where she threatened to suspend us for fighting. She asked the bully to leave the room, and then told me she was extremely shocked and should call my mom. I told her to go ahead and call. That this girl lives down the street from me and has been a bully to me every time we cross paths, and that I was going to take up for myself from now on. The counselor did not call my mother (I told her about it, but never got in trouble), or suspend either one of us. The bully and I did not cross path's very often after that. She either skipped school a lot or was suspended. I do not even think she went to high school with me. It is all water under the bridge now, and it did not ruin my whole childhood. We were stupid kids then, and I forgive her.

I am sure there were more stupid things I did during this time, but these are the three things that stick out in my mind. I am so glad I did not staying in that stage for more than a year. I have no regrets over anything though. Let me know some crazy stories when you were that age (between 12 and 13). If you dare to tell!!

Thanks for taking the time to read, Miss S

Next post: The Acceptance Stage


Parisjasmal said...

Toke it up! HA look at you smokin, drinkin, and fightin--it is like a bad country song! I am sorry you had to deal with that bully. I remember a bully from when I was in 6th grade. Her name was Darlene Kidd. Yes she perplexed and scared me so much that I still remember her first and last name. She used to hide behind her friends and throw bread at me in the lunchroom. She was HIDING behind people. Just goes to prove that most bullys are really big chickenshits who are acting out becasue of their own low self esteem. Gosh what I would not give to have had insight back then, but in 6th grade who really has insight?

Very funny post Miss S.

Parisjasmal said...

Oh and CONGRATS on figuring out the photo--lookin good Miss S!

MISS S said...